Identity

I think as a woman one of the big challenges in life is ones identity. When you are single you have your own complete identity and it centers on when you want to do things and how you want to do them. Your identity is largely comprised by what you do. A lot of times in the beginning it is being a full time student. When you get married you blend that side of you with someone else. You make little changes but keep the foundation of who you are. Now when you come home from school or work you have other responsibilities, cooking, cleaning, ect. You don't have to do them all alone but they are still there. That identity stays until you have a baby. Now more than ever everything is centered around that child. When you sleep, eat (even what you eat in the beginning), where you go, how late you stay out, everything. I find that as I get to continue this opportunity to stay home with Bubba that I feel it getting harder to find my identity. I love being home with him and I wouldn't change a thing in this world but I can relate to women who feel lost. It's hard to see yourself outside of the dishes, laundry, meals, and everything else that makes up a mother/wife's work load.

As I was throwing my self a good old fashioned pity party yesterday I had a tender mercy. As I walked into the room to put some laundry away I looked over at Little T sleeping and I gained a little bit of my identity. I am so excited for what is to come. I love that in a few short months I can use my teaching degree which I love to teach him. I can't wait to use all the things that I have learned from my wonderful mentors and from my classes and from my instinct. I know that day is coming fast. For now I know I need to be content with and appreciate that I am teaching him unconditional love. Most importantly he is teaching me. He is changing me into who I really am. Slowly but surely that identity comes.

Ps a special thanks to my own mother. Everyday I get to understand and see you in a whole new light. Thank you for everything. I appreciate it all and love you to no end!