Conference weekend is always a mix of high and lows. Highs because I am able to listen to wonderful talks by leaders and stay home all weekend in my pajamas. Lows because I stay home all weekend in my pajamas, and sometimes I find it hard to connect to all talks. I tend to find that some jump out at me as I listen and help me find answers to questions I didn't realize I was searching for. One of these talks was by Elder Neil L. Anderson.
Lately I have been "dr. philing" every situation in regards to the baby. Every-night I go to bed with my head filled with questions as to how to Jake and I are going to make it alone without the thought of adding on another person. What I love about Elder Anderson's talk is that it reminded me of the sweet comforting spirit that assured both Jake and I that this is what we are supposed to be doing.
I decided that for my benefit it was time to write down how we came to the decision to have a baby, (because pregranancy brain is a real thing and I often forget why we got into this situaiton)
It really started last December the day after finals. I was finishing up my first semester actually teaching and I was dead set on having my own class the following year through an internship. I wanted nothing more than being able to teach and connect with my own classroom of little children. I knew that this was my calling in life to teach. Although while I was making my own plans of classroom themes and dreaming about all the fun activities I would do with my own classroom, I was unaware of the path that was set out for Jake and I. After being promised full time hours at work for about a year Jake was told that he would not be able to have full time or go to school and that his hours were in fact getting cut. We spent a good two days not knowing where we were going to go from there. After talking to both our families and praying about what to do Jake decided to quit his job and go to school full time. This allowed him to finish in a year as opposed to 3. So we talked it over, looked at our savings and decided that this was best. Plus this fit into my whole idea of having an internship because we would both finish at the same time.
While Jake decided to finish off work and put in his 2 weeks notice I went to the temple. I hadn't even made it to the start before I was overwhelmed with the feeling that there was a little baby waiting and that Jake and I needed to start a family. Contrary to my normal personality I accepted the sweet feeling of peace I had. When I got home I told Jake, who as anyone can imagine was not very happy and replied "Well I didn't get that feeling so I guess your wrong." To be honest I couldn't blame him. Our world was already overturned by our job and school without trying to add the cost of having a child. But I couldn't deny that sweet feeling of peace so I just responded "Well go to the temple yourself and you'll know." Unfortunately for Jake I was right lol. So all through Christmas break we looked and looked at finances and tried to figure out how it was going to work. We looked and realized that we had exactly the right amount of money left over in my savings for me to finish school and cover the hospital costs. No joke, there is literally not $10.00 left over. As if our previous experience wasn't enough to convince us to trust in the Lord he was showing us yet again what our path was. So we figured out when and how it would work and left the rest in the Lord's hand taking the biggest leap of faith I have ever made in my life.
Even with all of the amazing signs showing me this was the way I was still skeptical that it would work out. I was a doubting Thomas all the way. Well like Thomas I was converted and we found out we were expecting. I knew that I would be finished with school Dec. 9th; so it was a complete shock when we found our due date moved to Dec. 16th. Jake and I were fortunate enough to both have the opportunity to work in Hemet this summer allowing us to pay for the baby past the hospital. For Jake and I this was our biggest fear, we did not want to rely on our parents to help take care of our child. We felt it was extremely important that we pay for our child. With that being said I don't know what we would do without the generosity of both our parents. Their kind support, excitement and willingness to help. I wish everyone could have the amazing support group that I am blessed to have. I know I would be lost without my family and my in-laws, that includes my sister-in-laws. Being the oldest I don't have an older sibling to ask my questions and what worked and what didn't and I am grateful that my sister-in-laws are always willing to answer my dumb questions without making me feel dumb. It would be a hard process without my family and my in-laws and their utter joy and excitement. There is no better feeling that having people as excited as I am for this little boy to get here. I am truly grateful for this opportunity to be a mom soon. I know that this is the path I am supposed to be on and that we are supposed to have a sweet baby boy in Dec. I think I needed to hear Elder Anderson's talk and to be reminded of that overwhelming peace I felt back in Dec, and the countless signs showing me that the Lord is looking out for me.
I know this is a rather long post but I decided that it was definitely time to show my appreciation and to take the hint to trust in him and follow the path as best I can.
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