Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Prego Stories part 1

So I thought I would share some rather funny moments I have had being prego.  Please feel free to laugh at my expense, I totally would if this were someone else.

Sometime in April: I was shopping with my best friend (before the morning sickness started) and while we were looking at clothes she says completely serious "I can see you as being one of the prego women who completely blow up and get super fat all over." I stared at her and said "Who seriously says that to someone!" But seriously i'm the type of girl who would rather have you say that behind my back then to my face. Say whatever you want behind my back, lie to my face at least.  And now you made me feel worse about myself because I can't button my jeans without my belly band.

May 17th: While throwing up sometime in the morning I literally pulled a muscle in my back.  I got really angry with fate and started crying about how my life was unfair to which i again started throwing up because I was crying so hard.  After I calmed down I made Jake go buy a heating pad and tylenol (because that is all prego women can use lame and I spent the next four days medicating myself, throwing up, and watching law and order SVU. To be honest my SVU marathon was the highlight of my time.

May 30th: About a week before this I was reading this funny Mormon blog where a girl talked about how one night her throw up came back and hit her in the face and how you just don't come back from that. I thought this was so funny, I seriously laughed for days about this.  The whole time I'm wondering how it can hit you in the face, since it had never happened to me and I throw up ALL the time.  Well all I can say is Karma is a big, fat, biotch.

I woke up and desperately wanted frosted flakes. So I got myself a bowl and sat down to watch the Wedding Planner...I didnt even finish my bowl before I threw up.  Let me tell you Tony the tiger is a liar, frosted flakes are not greeeaattt when you're throwing them up.  But, this wasnt like all the other times I was sick, no this time it came back and splashed me in the face.  I started screaming because seriously thats gross and you really never come back from that.

Needless to say I learned my lesson no milk for the next 9 months, and don't laugh at other womens sad prego stories because it will come back to bite you/splash you .  And I'm sorry to say I feel grossed out every time I look at frosted flakes and will forever withhold these from my child because technically its all their fault anyways.

June 9: Today we went to the doctors to hear the heartbeat for the first time. After the nurse finds it and lets us listen to it, the first thing out of my mouth is "There's just one right?" No joke, the nurse just stared at me because I think she thought I was kidding...I wasn't.  The idea of having two scared me more than anything so before I could be excited about hearing the heartbeat I had to make sure there was just one (don't worry there was only one).

June 14th: I love all things salty! I literally went to target everyday we were in Utah to get a salted pretzel and look at baby clothes.  So being back in Ca I figured that popcorn would be the second best thing to a pretzel.  Needless to say I now no longer eat anything that had milk and popcorn.  Who can't eat popcorn?  There's nothing there!  I would try it again to see if it was just a fluke but honestly there is nothing more painful then throwing up popcorn. So for the next 9 months thats off the list.

July 11th: My boss calls me and says he needs to speak to me (so naturally I assume I did something wrong) Once I get there he says "I just talked to your dad, you're having an ultrasound in 10 minutes so drink 32 oz fast, oh and check yourself in ok?". So I chugged my 2 water bottles and waited for my bladder to fill up, which believe it or not is very difficult I could barely walk straight and my stomach killed. So Jake and I go into the room and while we're having the ultrasound our tech asks if we want to know the sex of the baby. Um, hello yes its killing me now not knowing and I'm only 16 weeks. So she goes well see that, that means its a boy. A couple of minutes go by and Jake knowing me so well goes "Now I know sometimes the cord can make it look like a boy is it for sure a boy?" To which our tech said yes there's no mistake you guys are having a boy.

After doing a bunch of measurements and helping us to actually tell what we were looking at so it looked like a baby and not like abstract art, she printed us out 6 pictures.  As she hands them to us she says, "I couldn't give you one showing that it was a boy, because in the state of Ca it is consider child pornography to have that in a picture." Jake and I are staring because clearly she has to be kidding.  Don't worry she wasnt. She proceeds to say "I don't even want to know why or how they came up with that rule, but thats the rule." Which is ok to me because I'd rather have cute pictures of his face then the fact that he's a boy.

July 18th: I am now 17 weeks and still having to miss work because I am sick all day. Who the heck is still throwing up at 17 weeks. Whoever said that morning sickness goes away after the first trimester is a liar and they got my hopes up only to crush them severely.

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